Friends...

Sometimes you can't wait to see them, sometimes they annoy you to no end, sometimes you learn that the ones you thought you could trust and could on...you can't. Fortunately for me I haven't had that problem in a long time.

Of late I have had friends prove to me again and again that they are the very kind of people that
I need to have around me. No one is perfect but these ladies and one guy come pretty damn close.

The kind of people that when I scream they tend to hear me and, when I feel lost they typically come and find me, and when I feel like I need to escape they become like Lucy and show me the way to the wardrobe. They even care enough to roam around with me for hours til we realize that it is time to return.

I was blessed with half siblings that couldn't care less about me. My friends take the time to make sure I live and breathe no matter what. Which makes it all the harder when I have to push them away. Having good friends makes me happy but not being able to be an equally good friend to them causes me a great deal of pain. Not once have they asked I do a thing in return but be myself. I'm trying very hard to do that...hopefully they keep their patience.

I haven't written here is a very long time. It's been my recent opinion that writing is far more therapeutic than people give it credit for being, at least for me. Let me back track.

First off I have a hard time writing what I don't feel. Growing up I wrote poetry. I mean I WROTE poetry. I had so much sadness and upset and it was my outlet. It was my way to speak when I wouldn't be spoken to. I focused my energy into words but they were the wrong ones. I couldn't feel happiness, so I didn't write it. I have hundreds of poems that are stained with tears.

It occurred to me that I need to actually be happy so that I can write about it. After years of pain and injury, and all things foul I took sometime recently took time and shut down. I had a lot of things that I had to work through. I did a lot of crying and writing...mostly I thought.

It's now my mission to write happy, to be happy. I don't know how long it will take and I have goals that may seem crazy to some and ideal to others. As long as I can laugh myself to sleep and greet the sun with a smile ...nothing else will matter.

Hopefully some of you will join me on my mission. Maybe it can inspire you and push you towards your own mission to happiness.

Don't worry it won't be drastic...It will be a positive change, a slow one. I will retain my depth, but will seek happiness with the same passion that I used to fuel my sadness.

I'll be real though...it might feel like when Mary J stopped being sad and started writing that happy stuff...I miss sad MJB sometimes but I understand the journey.





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