I once knew but now have no real idea of what I want to be when I grow up. I mean I know what I like, what moves me, my passions and what makes me step back and say..."Shit I did something great".
I just don't know what I want to spend the rest of my life doing anymore. The other day I thought that getting business cards would be a Great idea. Then I thought...what the frig am I going to put on them? I mean basically "I can do whatever because chances are that at one point I have already done whatever it is you want me to do" is just way too much to put on a business card. (I mean with the prices of printing alone...plus it is a business card and not a billboard)
I just don't know what I want to do that will put food in my mouth, a roof over my head, clothes on my back (that may or may not be designer) and take care of my everyday needs, plus supply me with extras(like vacations on the South of France, or picking up friends by helicopter to go shopping in Milan for the afternoon...ya know the small things).
It also seems like everyone has great ideas on who I could be, or what I should be. Even though, I have graduated with my bachelors of sciences in psychology and a minor in english and have sworn up and down to be thru with degrees, its like people don't hear me. I STILL have family members convinced that I am going back to school anytime now. Yet they all see me doing different things. Ask one person they'd say...entertainment lawyer, ask another they'd say shes going to get her masters in psychology, others still say doctor.Really? I am not going back to school. I'm in the school of life now...that is all.
Then I have people that want me to help make their climb to the top of the entertainment ladder easier. With a mix of book/street/and business smarts under my belt they literally want to strip me rape me and suck me dry. (I don't mean that in a good way either.) I mean I feel like I can't even get anything done for myself because they keep taking my thoughts away.
Then there are the people that keep telling me that I'll settle down soon with a good man and have some kids...Yeah, no. Not interested in having children and plus then I'd have to get a regular job and worry about diapers and feedings and school plays and....yeah not for me. It's great if you do it but not for me.
Then some people are hell bent that I will do advertisments for their businesses and marketing and get caught in the loop of a dead end office job. I just freed myself from that jail not long ago. I don't plan on going back.
Then there are the others still that just want me to go find an office job any where doing virtually anything, slave for the man's establishment, get vested and grow old with a pension...WOW I think not.So I have said what I don't want but what do I want....let me sit still for a moment and think...
(you won't know this if I didn't tell you but about 7 minutes just went by)

In short, when I grow up I think I plan to wear several hats. I think that no one knows what to expect from me. Some know that I am capable of many things and some still have me in their little box of dreams. I suppose that when I am done...everyone will be shocked, including me. Just let me learn me first, let me be happy searching thru the vast catalogs of my mind. Give me time to think, breathe and be, and let me make a choice that will suit me. I have many interests and many interesting qualities. I did it everyone's way for so long...now I think it is time that I decide for myself what I want to be when I grow up.


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